New York, NY - 4:20 PM CST
Researchers at YGTBKM, Inc. recently released results detailing the spread of corp-speak: the habit of abbreviating words unnecessarily in an effort to appear more efficient without actually doing any work. We had an opportunity to ask Professor Kent Utill, chief strategist and lead researcher at YGTBKM, Inc. a few questions over the phone more about the study. The following is a transcript from part one of the interview.
Doubleshot News: Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk to us about your research. We’re really interested in this new phenomenon.
Kent Utill: You should say phenom. Saves time.
DN: Oh, right. So this … phenom. Can you tell us a little more about it?
KU: In a nutshell, my mission objective with this book was to strategically unify my assembled knowledge base of executive observations over the past decade into a no-brainer formulation designed to deep dive into corporate communications at the highest level.
DN: I think I’m following you. Would you mind elaborating on your observations?
KU: I can talk to that.
DN: Talk to that? As in you can take your observations out for coffee and have a conversation with them?
KU: No … I mean I’ll explain that.
DN: Then wouldn’t you say talk about that?
KU: We should talk about this offline.
DN: My apologies, Mr. Utill, but I’m feeling completely confused. We aren’t online. We’re on the phone. And please correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Corp-Speak supposed to make things more efficient?
KU: I’ll step out of corp-speak mode for a moment so I can explain how it works in simpler terKU. You just experienced a corp-wave – a wave of confusion caused through excessive use of corp-speak. You see, corp-speak is basically a defense mechanism used to divert attention away from a lack of knowledge in any particular area. Just as a mother bird pretends to be injured to distract a predator away from her nest, corporate executives are learning to speak in a way that will distract clients away from any potential red flags. The thing is, most people are too afraid to admit they don’t know what certain Corp-Speak words mean giving corp-speakers an advantage. You, on the other hand, aren’t afraid to ask questions.
DN: Blame it on that Starbucks Doubleshot® Energy+Coffee I just downed.
KU: How much do they pay you for a blatant mid-interview product placement like that?
DN: Just enough to afford your overpriced book on Corp-Speak.
KU: Touché.
Want to know what happens next? Sign up for a Doubleshot account and we’ll let you know as soon as we post part two of the interview in The Doubleshot Times. Professor Kent Utill’s book, Corp-Speak N U will be available at all major bookstores in 2010.